"After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles'."


"Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge."


"The world is divided into people who do things--and people who get the credit"


"I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck."


"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please."


"The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become."


"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

"CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)"


*Error message pops up on the computer screen * "User Error!Replace user and press any key to continue!"


"If you would like to know the value of money, go and try to borrow some."


"Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking."


"If everyone played by all the rules, life would be no fun."


"McDonald’s announced they will be adding 25 percent more beef to their hamburgers. As a result, McDonald’s hamburgers will now feature 25 percent beef."


"Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning." -George W. Bush


"The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case." -George W. Bush


"I think anybody who doesn’t think I’m smart enough to handle the job is underestimating." -George W. Bush


"I think we agree, the past is over." -George W. Bush


"The important question is, How many hands have I shaked?" -George W. Bush


"We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world." -Dan Quayle


"It’s not pollution that is hurting the environment, it’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -Dan Quayle


"If we don’t succeed we run the risk of failure." -Dan Quayle


"Want to hear the joke about the vacuum? Nevermind...It sucks."


"When I kill a bug in my house, I leave the dead body around for a bit to warn the others."

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